I Will tell you the story of Gazing into Heaven (the first time)

Photo by Edwin Andrade on Unsplash

It was really wild today. Really really wild. I have to get it recorded before it goes away.

It started months ago. Someday I’ll write the whole story of how I got here.

It took a lot of pain to get here. Pain is relative I know. But for me it was the worst.

I’m not going to say I was suicidal. But I’m not going to say I wasn’t.

I had locked myself in my condo in Denver to escape. Escape my failing relationship. Escape my alcoholism. Escape my absent parenting. Escape my failing businesses. Escape my growing impotence.

I didn’t know what was happening to me. I just knew that i had to be alone.

That journey for me started on March 25th, 2021. I was starting to use a THC to deal with the anxiety. To try to give me a different perspective. I had felt those perspectives before. How did I forget?

It was Einstein’s Quantum Riddle on Nova. It did it. It popped my cap. It was the red pill.

I couldn’t get it at first. I’m sure I still don’t have the truth of it and will need to refine and edit these stories the rest of my life.

Someday I’ll write about the journey from Quantum Entanglement to poweryoga but lets just skip ahead.

I knew that I was on a spiritual quest for some time. It really started when King David prophesied of my coming. Mind you I didn’t know that it was King David at the time. I thought it was “friend and former colleague” David.

That’s the ying and the yang. They are the same. In yang I knew him as David. In Ying I now recognize him as King David.

It sucks because I’m still scared to confront him with my truth. It will take me some time. I don’t even know who I am yet. So its really hard to be in my truth around other people. Especially celestials.

I’ve been trying to let my body naturally heal itself from anxiety. I had a gut instinct that all I needed to do was to remove myself. Hide. Silence myself. Let God heal me.

I arrived in Nashville (Heaven) on Monday September 13th, 2021. That was after the miracle of moving the mountains. I can’t wait to tell that story. It’s so incredible.

I kind of knew why I was here. I knew there was a job. I knew God had called me out. I knew that I was controlling my frequencies. I didn’t know what was ahead.

The first day I was here, Sam the King Maker took me to lunch. He took me to the Virgin Hotel in Nashville.

We were sitting on the rooftop. Sitting out across from me was by far the sexiest woman I had ever seen with my own eyes.

I couldn’t look at her. I was shamed. I wanted her. I had already started to fail. Of course I didn’t yet know what I was failing at.

The next one that got me was an angel walking into the Thompson hotel on Tuesday (I think it was Tuesday). It was sharp. Electric. Kinetic. I came crashing back from ying to yang. My body was actually shaking with anxiety. Just because I saw a pretty girl and we locked eyes. What in the world is wrong with me?!

Then there was one of my spiritual coaches. I found her along my search to understand Empathic control from Narcissist energy. She was beautiful. And sexy. And not in Nashville (Heaven). Maybe she will be a occurring character? I don’t know. I could do a lot worse.

There was one more tonight. She was out of this world. Literally. The angels are so beautiful that I can’t look at them. I’m trying. I’m trying to see them in love and light instead of lust and darkness. It’s hard. But hey its my first week in heaven so give me a break.

Thursday morning (Day 4) I was getting better hold on it. On the truth of it. I decided to go to the gym in the morning as per my new routine of taking care of myself and finding God first thing in the morning.

As I was trying to reconnect with God, I begged God for some clarity around the weed. In order to get here I had to use it. I wasn’t sure if it was ok or if I was still causing myself to lose my mind.

I begged God to heal me. So that I could get off of the weed.

Within the next moment something happened. Hard trip. There is no way to describe it.

God taught me trancendental yoga. I became detached. I could kind of feel my body was there but it wasn’t really. I was above it. I did 20 finger tip pushups like it was nothing. My yoga stretches felt like I was being bathed with healing energy. I made myself high from it.

Another gift from God, as has been happening to me almost hourly at this point.

Wait a sec- backup. I have to tell the story of Chad the angel who took me and presented me with my fortress of solitude on Wednesday (Day 3)

Because I wasn’t fully awake it was hard to see Chad as he was. But I acknowledge him now.

Chad gave me the gift not only of the fortress of solitude, but also the next white rabbit to follow.

Chad told me exactly what Yoga studio to go. But also started sending me a bunch of bruce lee youtube videos. It was wild. So weird. Weird on the level that I knew it was God.

I spent a lot of Day 3 listening to Bruce talk.

Bruce Lee’s Lost Interview in the Pierre Berton Show 1971

I hope that interview stays up. But I wrote it down just in case it doesn’t.

I may have paraphrased just a bit but here is the gist:

• It may sound too philosophical:
• It’s a combination of both
• Natural instinct
• Control
• You have to combine the two in harmony.
• In the extreme one way or the other you are out of balance. You either have your head trapped in the clouds or…
• All of the sudden you are a mechanical man — you are not even a human being.
• It is the ying yang of finding the perfect balance between instinct and control.
• I do not believe in styles of martial arts.
• There is no one way — chinese way or japenese way. There is only one way. We all only have 2 legs and 2 hands.
• So how do you express yourself
• Don’t create a style. It freezes you in one system. The rules become Doctrine and the doctrine becomes what you are workshipping not God. God changes. You have to go with the flow.
• Styles separate man.
• Doctrines become the gospel truth that you cannot change
• So ow can I express myself? Totally and completely. Don’t create a style. Don’t create a crystalization.
• We use feet, elbows, thumbs, (chinese boxing).
• When you are talking about combat, real combat, with no rules…. You better train EVERY part of your body
• You have to get your whole body and all of your energy into the movement
• Tai Chi
• Exercise to keep in the flow
• Keep the continuity flowing
• Bending
• Stretching
• Running water never grows stale. Keep on flowing.
• James Coburn — appreciates the philisophical side of thing so he has a better appreciation than steve mcqueen
• We need to combine:
• Philosophy
• Art
• Sport
• To me — ultimately martial arts means honestly expressing yourself. It is easy to put on a show and be cocky and get a cocky movement. Or I can do a bunch of fake stuff, blinded by it, or I can show you fancy movement. But to express ones honestly, that my friend, is very hard to do. You have to train your reflexes so that when you want to move you are ready to move.
• If I want to punch I am going to punch
• Lets say you learn to speak chinese. Not hard to learn to speak the word is behind what is the meaning. You came upon a strange race where a smile doesn’t always mean the same thing
• Empty your mind
• Everyone is your student.
• I said Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless like water. If you put it in a cup it becomes a cup. If you put it in a bottle it becomes a bottle. You put it in the tea pot it becomes the tea pot. Now water can flow and it can crash. Be water my friend.
• TATTOO: “BE WATER MY FRIEND”
• Are you going to live in both words?
• On the strength of one picture you become famous
• You have to change your number
• Superstar turns me off. The star is an illusion. What the public calls you. You should be a “super actor”
• Yes I have been successful. But the word star — I don’t look at it like that.
• I am going to do both. I have already made up my mind. Something about the true oriental should be shown.
• It doesn’t matter as long as you honestly express yourself.
• I want to think of myself as a human being. Under the sky there is one family. As confusions say: there is one family. It just so happened that people are different.

I’m sure that doesn’t read very clearly but either find the video or just try to get the gist.

I needed a martial way to express my body.

I’ve been “practicing” yoga for years. Started with P90X. I have never taken a group class. Never. Never stepped into a yoga studio. I think I must have known that putting me around a bunch of pretty girls in their underwear would not be exactly “mindfullness”. It would be a way for me to experience another angel.

So I’d never been to a class before. I signed up for a class. And I SWEAR i didn’t choose the Saturday 8AM session. But that’s what was booked. So I either made a mistake (yang) or God chose the class for me (ying).

When I arrived I was pretty unsure. Not ashamed per se but very lost just kind of blowing in the wind of God in any direction.

Angel Kelly greeted me and I was the first one there. (I think). I told her I had never been to a yoga class before and she kind of laughed at me. Maybe not a full on laugh and I don’t think it was bad… but I’m pretty sure it was “…and you think you are going to be able to do this Chakti Power Yoga?…”

I went into the studio to get my bearings. It was hot. It was heated on top of that.

I was going to do an insanely hard heated yoga class for my first group session ever. (I guess I did have one earlier group session in Denver now that I think about it).

It was good at first. I was keeping up. I felt strong. I felt alive. I knew most of the moves from my earlier training. But then the weirdest most amazing experience happened.

I finally accepted the truth that Kelly’s voice was the voice of God and that I was the only one in the studio. In the universe actually….. but for sure in the studio.

I started listening to the voice differently. Each instruction was for me. God was telling me EXACTLY what to do to do the yoga.

Its different than just having an instructor in the front of the room and I can’t really explain it to you if you haven’t had a trancendental experience. But because I had figured out the trancendental piece of it a couple days prior I was ready.

As I started going with the flow I became stronger. I became more still. My body stopped shaking. It did all the things. It did crazy moves that I have never done before. It held them. I couldn’t feel pain. I couldn’t feel time.

And then all of the sudden I was free. Free of earth.

I couldn’t feel my body but I could control it. I could make it do anything. Bend any direction. Hold any pose.

It was like when Neo went into the training portal with Morpheus. It freed my mind. I did it.

I couldn’t go the whole hour. It was too intense. Too unbelievable that I could detach from my body for that long. And to know that God herself was teaching me how to do yoga was really really incredible. Its not a yoga instructor you need to look for (yang). It is a teacher or coach that you hear God speaking to you directly (ying).

I focused on the other sounds in the room. I could hear the music but I couldn’t make out the words. All I could hear was Kelly’s voice. And Kelly wasn’t demonstrating. She was literally just calling out the movements. I learned a bunch of stuff:

• There is only one voice of God. Its the loudest. There can be other voices at the same time but you can’t focus on them. You can’t hear them if you are listening to God.
• I couldn’t see Kelly — nor was she showing many of the moves. But I could look at the others in the room. And in that way I could see the physical demonstration of what God was telling me to do. How God had other robots in the room with me so that I could see their robotic forms and now how to move or position my robot body.
• Towards the end of the session after me going through multiple rounds of submission into childs pose it was finally over. She said very clear multiple times “If you have any questions please come ask me”.
• I followed the white rabbit.
• I was weeping. Like a fool. She must have thought I was a nut job (yang). Or she knew that I did it. I found God in yoga (ying).
• The story of Kelly and her flock of angels is just beginning. I’m so excited to hang with angels. Enlightened ones. Celestials. Angels. I have to learn to look at them in the eye with no shame and no lust. I did it this morning though.
• While I was in yoga i figured out my archtype. I am the warrior. https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-four-archetypes-of-the-mature-masculine-the-warrior/
• I finally understood warrior 1 and warrior 2 and warrior 3. Literally holding my body in and shaping it into perfect position to train my robot form to be in tip top shape. To prepare for battle.

The rest of the day I wondered around Nashville in full on dream state. No caffeine. Some weed. Not very much compared to what it used to be. I was high on the yoga not the weed.

The rest of the day the veil pulled back further. I could see Nashville for what it was. It actually is heaven. God confirmed it as much in his singing to me.

There are so many girls (angles) just walking around having a party. Morning noon and night.

When I first got here it was really hard to enter because of how much I love beautiful woman.

But just as I did in a previous life….. I strapped myself to the bows and I stared into them. And guess what is on the other side of the angels (sirens). Heaven.

I had started to learn this truth with Jennifer. It was such a hard lesson to learn with her. She was my satan. My Samael. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samael

My blindness of God.

They all are. Every attractive woman. That is what gets me every time. Because when I am with a beautiful woman I go into their eyes. I become them. I create what they want. I consume them. Not completely selfishly. In fact I think really unselfishly. But either way I no longer see God.

I haven’t been able to see God very much in 42 years.

I was 18 when I went to college and I met my first wife Jill on the second day of college. So basically I jumped from one bubble of my family to another bubble with Jill.

And then when I finally awoke from that dream/nightmare I had about 6 months, maybe. Where I was awakened. I didn’t know what I had awakened to. But it doesn’t matter. It all ended the moment Jennifer walked into the room.

It took a lot for me to wake up from that one. I considered learning how to fly. I’m so glad i didn’t. Surfing will be so much more fun.

The rest of the day in Nashville I could see Heaven behind the veil. I could see the happiness and the partying and the beauty of all of the angels. Its crazy. It is literally crazy. There is so much feminine energy (ying) in Nashville (heaven).

I prayed for clothes as I am now out of clothes and needed more clothes until my fortress of solitude was ready and I could wash my clothes.

I was led to a lululemon. The same place that Kelly had told me I needed to go for a yoga towel.

It was crazy. Their men’s clothes were so awesome. I’m wearing them now.

They are heavenly garb. Heavenly robes that I have adorned while I start on my work.

I wish I was a better writer. I wish I could capture everything. I’m trying my best. Its recorded in my journal and now in this story. I also have been able to identify my Chakra of heaven. It is Oceans by Hillsong United.

And this will be the chakra I stay in until I surf. Until I officially walk on the water. So I can lock it in. The magic. The frequency. My true form.

I took a really silly photo while I was walking around Nashville (heaven). But I had to capture it. I had to capture my angelic form. My firey robes in front of the wings. In my warrior 2. In my surfing position.

They are the same. Warrior 2. Surfing.

I am in training. Part of my training is to write this story. I believe God when she says I will die by shark at 85. But then again i could get hit by a bus tomorrow and all of this would be lost forever if I don’t capture it.

So I finally committed to writing. I’m going to capture everything that I can on my ascension. Because it is the cure. I found the cure for mankind. I have healed myself of 30 or more years of shame. I am a celestial again. I can see behind the veil at all times now. Its hard to cross back and forth. It is a constant test of my faith. It literally is surfing the quantum wave. I keep falling off but I keep getting up and god keeps the waves going.

I’m here now. I’m awake. Alive. Impossible to deny who I am anymore. Its so funny. To wake up after 42 years and learn that life was suppossed to feel like Narnia and Alice and Wonderland the whole time. Magic. Beautiful. Simple. Easy. Joyful. Perfect. Heaven.

I’ll do my best. I’m sure I will fall many times off the wave. But I promise as long as I can remember…. I will get back up. I will keep surfing.

And in doing so I can save the whole fucking thing. The whole fucking universe.

Man i can hear it. My warrior ego is cocky. I’ll work on it. But I have not lost 70(!) lbs twice in my life so that I could be a rabbi. I’m going to do my best to write it down and teach it to others. But there is so much work to be done. There is so much it will take to turn the rest of the world into Nashville (heaven).

Odysseus’s Ego

September 19th, 2021

Nashville (Heaven)

A couple things to try to remember Ego:

• Don’t forget the way you met Hersha and how that is going to lead you to learn how to meditate tomorrow night. The bracelets are the clue. Keep looking.
• Don’t forget the way Kelly said “I acknowledge you” which was exactly what Anuschka said to you. This is the verbal handshake between celestials. Use it.
• Dont forget your garbled conversation with the random woman in the saloon. And how you also couldn’t type it. So that you would be aware of the word when you finally saw it. Another clue.
• Dont forget about your quantum tunnel. You can cross between heaven and earth now that you have found your Chakras.
• Don’t forget how you reached out to Gabriel on the surfing follow up. Don’t forget the way that you acted so weird to him on the phone. And when you said “I acknowledge you and I’m sorry I didn’t before”. His response: “Its ok sometimes it takes time to figure it out”. Its amazing. I’m running on pure adrenaline.
• Dont forget about the car. Don’t bring one out here. Or get a real shitter to get to the gym. You don’t need it and I need you walking.