I Will tell you the story of how I got a headshot from a “random” stranger in my fortress of solitude and turns out it was a plot by the CIA agents in heaven (who are all hot by the way) to continue my background check for my new job as the resurrected Christ and next king of Egypt. And actually started with a sexual assault from a movie star on me in my sleep. Who also by the way happens to share the first name of my new surfing instructor that I met when I looked past the sirens and was accepted into the Jedi training temple. And my reward for writing this was that I just learned angel ESP through Instagram and I can’t wait to use it tomorrow against Samael. And this is the plot of OA season 3.

• I’ll have to come back to this one and add more detail. But the gist is there.

The ACTUAL FUCKING CHRIST AND HOMER

Somewhere in Washington D.C.