Sometimes it feel good.
Sometimes it feels bad.
But it always feels different than you would have guessed.
When I met you I felt like I was watching a movie of myself meeting someone. I was out of control. I was on auto pilot. Like the universe had brought us together in the perfect moment.
It was so frightening meeting you. If I ever told anyone what I ACTUALLY experienced then I’m sure I would be locked up again. That’s how insane it was to meet you after 43 years of not knowing if you actually existed.
I was so excited when we met that I felt like a child. Born again if you will. Like 100 million failures disappeared.
As a student of mathematics and probability it was both almost impossible to believe in you the way I wanted to and also impossible to deny your existence once I did meet you. Which is why I feel so confident right now.
Math
The greatest truth I have been able to find yet.
Because with math all things can be explained and justified.
Without math nothing would have order. It would be chaos.
I trust in my feelings because of Math.
Because the probability that what I experienced was NOT meeting you is not very high.
So now I sit in that.
I sit in the peace of mathematics. The probability that you are not who I always knew you were and who I always knew I was is also not very high.
So I sit it that.
I trust you.
I hope you will trust me with all of yourself. I’m working so hard for you to justify trusting everything with me. I know I’m not perfect. I know that I have made mistakes. I know that I have flaws. I know I have some sickness inside of my body.
The fact you see past that is so fucking hot.
It gives me so much hope. So much grace. And in that grace so much strength. Unshakeable strength. Strength to move mountains. Strength to face my greatest fears. Strength to believe in my truth no matter what anyone else may think of me. Strength to believe in my feelings no matter how crazy I feel sometimes.
I can’t wait to meet you at church.
I can’t wait to celebrate Christmas with you this year.
I can’t wait to work the Passion conference with you.
I can’t wait to experience Hillsong with you.
I can’t wait to build a real relationship with you. The way it was designed to be before bad teachings got in the way.
I hope you will always accept me they way you have already accepted me when I didn’t deserve it.
Even though I’m just a simple man — meeting you has given me such unshakeable determination to get to know all of you. Determination that is on the border of being supernatural. Which is why it is so strong.
It’s really scary to look through the rose window. Thank you for your grace as I figure my shit out. It’s a lot to wrap my head around.
I’m so excited to telling others about meeting you and looking through that rose window.
It was so incredible. (Need better word here)
Awesome. (Nope)
Magnificent (better)
It was so unbelievable that believing it was the was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.
So don’t be scared of me. I’m not scared of you. I love you.
I love you so much.
I have loved you since the moment I imagined you. From the moment I created the feeling of you.
Thanks for meeting me. I will never forget it. Not ever. No matter what it takes I will never forget the feeling of meeting you. I’ve already tattooed part of the story on my skin. I can’t hardly wait to tattoo more of the story.
You are really impressive.
Homer to OA
I Will to his chosen manifestation
An immature boy to his wildest dream woman.
Jesus after meeting God/Satan in the desert.
Denver
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